Many of my longtime blog followers have noticed that I have been posting less frequently. The primary reason for this is that I have been caregiver for my mother these last five years.
Several things about this have interrupted my blogging.
- It is Mother’s Story
- My lessons aren’t over
- My attitude sucks
- My creativity is at an all-time low
I was initially uncomfortable blogging as observer of Mother’s journey. It seemed to be her story. As I have since learned of the large community of caregivers I see that it is also our story. I hope to offer something of the shamanic view of this universal story while respecting Mother’s privacy.
Besides worrying about Mother’s privacy, I didn’t want to write from the disheartened place I am in. I hate sounding preachy or cranky. I am reminded of Jack Cornfield’s marvelous books, especially After the Ecstasy the Laundry. I have left the solace of a comfortable balances life and been thrown into turmoil. I have waited several dismal years to feel more worthy to speak. Part of me was waiting for completion, relief and some learning I will possibly take from the experience. These things may never come.
I have read several books people have written about their journey alongside a loved one facing death. I was looking for wisdom to help me through it. What I found sounded either: whiny, saintly, or clinical. Of these I admit being most comforted by the whiny ones, as in, I’m not the only one struggling with this.
Seeing no end in sight I have decided to blog despite the chaos. I am as discouraged as ever but I am back at this blank page. I have lots to share about shamanism and also about a shamanic perspective on aging well, dying well, and the work of care-giving. Look for more posts soon. I will try not to be whiny, preachy or cranky. I’ happy to be back.
Santa Cruz Shaman 
just be you whiny cranky or wise there is a little bit of us in each of the you’s. Love you for sharing.
I told someone the other day that I was becoming unsure if the real me was the person I have been or the cranky shrew that sometimes shows herself in traffic these days.
I went through a similar shorter version with my mother last year. Compassion was the perspective that pulled me up me most often. she was not remotely the woman that was once the mother I knew. my heart goes out to you on your long journey and my guess is that it is the strength of the shaman that will shine through to the conclusion of your mom’s life. God Bless you dear heart!
Thank you so much for your sweet message. I will take a look at your blog. Hope to meet you soon.
-Linda